Hella Good Hair
by Firaga Productions
Summary: "I'm just gonna shake it to the fella over there, with the hella good hair." / Growing collection of Wolfstar tumblr prompts.
1. Zooey

**Bookstore AU  
**Firaga Productions  
02-2015

Tumblr prompt from no one, I just decided I liked it: 'i noticed that you wanted this book so i bought it on a whim and now i have to figure out how to give a book to a stranger au'

This is so fucking stupid, I swear to god. I'm p sure Remus is out of character, the quote literally has nothing to do with anything I just liked it. Franny and Zooey is pretentious as fuck but its my favorite from Salinger so whatever.

characters belong to jk rowling. quote comes from the book franny and zooey and belongs to jd salinger.

* * *

_"I do like him. I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect." - JD Salinger_

He looks like a Zooey, is the first thing Remus thinks when the boy in the bookstore picks up the little green and white book off the shelf. He looks every bit the part of pompous, rich kid, casually elegant, leaning oh so pretentiously against the shelf flipping through the pages of the book he's picked up, dark hair falling perfectly into his face. Remus is staring, he needs to stop staring, so he picks up a random book from the shelf and flips through it, but keeps peeking up to look at this man who looks like a character from a _fascinating_ book brought to life. He probably wouldn't have even thought of that if the stranger hadn't happened to pick Franny and Zooey from the shelf, but he did and now he's reading it and _oh god_ he's tucking long hair behind his ear and it's so attractive Remus thinks he might _die._

Remus John Lupin has never _ever_ fawned over a boy in his _life,_ but all be damned if that boy over there doesn't fucking deserve it.

Of course, Remus is a stuttering awkward mess, he's holes in his jumper and worn out jeans, his trainers are untied and about a size too small, and his own hair is a curly mess so there's absolutely _no fucking way_ Remus is going to be able to approach this Zooey personified with his perfect hair. So he waits, instead, casually glancing among the shelves, carefully not looking at this man, _no of course not why would you think such a thing_.

He's so drawn to this man though, probably because he's still looking so intently through Franny and Zooey, and Remus can't help but like a man who's interested in such a fantastic book, so when the man finally puts the book down with a heavy sigh and makes his way towards the front door, it's completely _irrationally_ out of character for Remus, but for some godforsaken reason he snatches the small book from the shelf, rushes to the desk to pay for it, and begins to make his way out the door to follow him when the horror of what he's done finally catches up to him and he _actually literally has just hit himself in the forehead_, what is he, a cartoon?

God, Remus thinks as he steps out in front of the shop and slouches onto a bench in front of the window. Did he actually just buy a book for a total stranger? One that the stranger may not have even liked in the first place? On the grounds that said stranger _looked like Remus' imagination of a character in said book_? Remus swears he's crazy, he's not really sure what the _fuck_ has gotten into him, but now he has this fucking book in his hands that he's read a thousand times already, and the stranger is nowhere to be found anyway.

Great. Just great.

This is why Remus doesn't do impulses. Remus is calculated and analytical, he doesn't make decisions on impulse and this is exactly why. Because Remus Lupin never impulses _normal_ things, no, he just decides that instead of _asking the bloke for his number_ like a normal human being, he bought him a book.

Possibly the most pretentious book ever written.

For a man who has already left the vicinity and who Remus will never see again.

Bloody hell.

Remus sits on the bench, shaking his head at his own _stupidity_ when the bell rings beside him signalling the door opening. He looks up, then quickly looks back down, as _of fucking course_ it's the Zooey look alike, and _god almighty_ that man has a beautiful smile.

"Ah, so you're the one who bought my book behind my back!"  
"Er, um.."

Eloquent. Lovely. What a way with words, Remus.

"Stepped out to take a phone call, came back in and the book was gone."  
"Um.."

The man shrugs. "Ah, well. Enjoy it. I'm sure I'll find it somewhere else."

With a nonchalant wave of his hand, the man begins to saunter off. Remus stares for a second, looks back at the book in his hands, and gets up, bringing his number of impulsive decisions this year to a grand total of _two_.

"Hey, wait a second!" he shouts, tripping over his untied shoelaces. The man, hands in his pockets ever so gracefully, turns.  
"Yes?" he asks when Remus catches up to him.  
"This is going to sound stupid, but I actually, um, bought it for you."

The man stops, blinks, then immediately bursts out laughing. Remus can feel himself deflating, but he doesn't really care, this whole thing was stupid anyway, so he mutters his apologies for being so goddam weird, and begins to turn away when the man grabs him by the shoulder and turns him back.

"No, no, I don't mean to laugh at you like it's stupid. It's not. Bloody brilliant, if you ask me. Really." He flashes that _beautiful_ grin at Remus, and suddenly Remus is in grade school all over again, staring at his shoes and flushed bright red.

"I'm Sirius," he says. "Sirius Black. Care for some coffee?"


	2. Dinner Date from Hell

**The Dinner Date from Hell**  
_**(or, That One Time the Waiter was Hella More Attractive than My Date)**_  
Firaga Productions  
03-2015

Sorry to basically trash Caradoc Dearborn, I'm sure he was super cool, but I needed a date and he was the first name that came to mind. Also, I can't write ending for the life of me, but the rest of it amuses me. Comes from a prompt from the lovely polaroidcats on tumblr.

Prompt: _you're my waiter and i'm on a really crappy date with an asshole._

* * *

He already knows this date is going to be utter shit when he walks into the restaurant six minutes late and Caradoc has his phone pressed to his ear and is gesturing wildly as if they were sitting right in front of him, but Remus Lupin has always had a _thing_ for people with particularly thick hair, so he takes his seat awkwardly and mouths an apology to Caradoc, who waves him off impatiently and goes back to his Very Important Conversation. Remus leans back in his seat and takes in the situation. Caradoc is very well dressed, he notices, with a perfectly tailored suit and a deep purple tie. He becomes immediately self concious at his own attire, a nice (albeit old) striped cardigan and khaki trousers, especially when he realizes he is, in fact, the most underdressed person in the room.

Even the waiters are dressed better, he notes with a slight grimace. The waiters are dressed in firmly pressed black slacks, white button downs, black vests and ties. Remus' trousers were ironed maybe a month ago, and his sweater has a hole in the right sleeve. Not to mention his hair, which is always a disaster, but oh well. It's too late now, he thinks, and picks up the menu in front of him.

Caradoc chooses this moment to end his phone call, and Remus suddenly wonders why he agreed to this date in the first place.

Oh, right. The hair. The gloriously thick, black hair.

"You're late," he says gruffly, in lieu of a greeting.  
"Yes, I know, I'm sorry, I got held up at work, traffic was bad," Remus stammers out, but Caradoc has already picked up his menu and begun studying intently.

So Remus returns his attention to the drinks, maybe Caradoc wouldn't mind a glass of wine, when the waiter approaches.

"Good evening, gentlemen," he says easily, and Remus swallows hard to keep from staring.

The waiter has a very thick head of hair indeed, dark brown, messy, pulled back into a _bun_ of all things, and Remus is in love, he thinks. With the hair, of course. Not the person. Though he is an attractive man, angled jaw and prominent cheekbones, and a smile that makes Remus want to smile right back.

"My name is Sirius, I will be taking care of you this evening."

He has the voice of an angel. Remus bites his lower lip and thinks to himself (you are on a _date_, you cannot check out thewaiter no matter how _gorgeous_ he may be), when Caradoc interrupts, loudly and gruffly.

"I don't have time for this, I already know what we want, let me get on with it."

Remus frowns.

"I don't know what _I_ want, Caradoc."  
"Well, maybe you'd have time to decide if you weren't _late_."

The waiter narrows his eyes, but Remus shrugs and lets Caradoc get on with the ordering process. He may like whatever it is Caradoc's picked out for him. At any rate, he's buying a bottle of wine for the two of them, so Remus can endure in exchange for good wine.

"So, erm, what do you do, Caradoc?" he asks in an attempt to be conversational.  
"I'm a manager for a firm. Grunnings. We manufacture drills."  
"Oh, that-er, sounds fascinating."  
"Yes, yes. We're a prominent company in the power tool company. That was an associate of mine on the phone, in fact. Vernon Dursley. Bit cold, that one, but he's serious enough. Sold several thousand to a store in Derby this afternoon. And you...sell books, is that it? Are you at least a manager there?"

Remus winces slightly at the underlying insult that comes just as the beautiful waiter approaches with their wine.

"No, I'm just a salesperson there. At the bookstore. I'm still working on my degree, I started university a bit later than usual.."  
"Ah. Right. Of course."

The disdain in Caradoc's voice is obvious, and Remus considers walking out on the date right then, when the waiter catches Remus' eye, and _winks_. Winks. He hasn't seen anyone actually _wink_ in years. He smiles back, subtly, and the waiter saunters off towards his other tables.

"As we were saying," Caradoc jolts Remus back to reality as they sip their wine. "Work. Yes. I'm in upper management for Grunnings. It's my father's company, but I worked _very_ hard to get my position there. I'm sure you worked just as hard to get your, er, salesperson position at your _quaint_ little bookstore."  
"You met me there, Caradoc," he says quietly, a hand gently resting on the stem of his wine glass.  
"Yes, yes, I had to pick up an accounting software workbook for my company, and you knew where it was, I was _there_, Remus."

Remus sighs and takes a drink of his wine. Caradoc resumes talk of his work, how wonderful he is at it, how high he's been promoted, how he's only three years older than Remus but so much more accomplished, and Remus is ready to walk out again, when the waiter comes back with salads just as Caradoc turns his attention to Remus' wardrobe.

"You've a hole in your sweater, did you know?"

Yes, in fact, he _did_ know, but he feigns surprise anyway so as to avoid the embarrassment that apparently comes with wearing an old sweater to a nice restaurant. Remus eats his salad while Caradoc subtly critiques his wardrobe choices for this _particular _restaurant, and he wishes he was brave enough to just walk out on a date like that.

A welcome break comes in the form of Caradoc making a trip to the restroom, and Remus is grateful for just a moment of peace and quiet, until Caradoc's empty seat is taken.

"I happen to like your sweater."

Remus can _feel_ his face turning red. "T-thanks," he stutters to the waiter, who has an elbow resting on the table, chin resting in his hand, and who wears a sympathetic smile on his face.

"Bad date?" he asks, and without waiting for a reply, "I can make him go away, if you want. I won't even charge extra for that."

Remus laughs lightly, then as abruptly as he came, the waiter winks at him yet again and is gone around the corner, just as Caradoc reappears at the table and takes his seat.

"Is our food not here yet?" he mutters.  
"I'm sure it's almost here," Remus replies patiently. Caradoc grunts in response, and the two sit in silence for what feels like an eternity when the waiter reappears with two plates of food.

An entire fish stares up at Remus, the eye still intact, and Remus is trying to figure out how the _hell_ he's supposed to eat this, he hates fish so much, when there's a clatter and a shout in front of him.

Caradoc is wearing a fish on his shirt. The dark brown sauce is already leaving a stain in his white buttondown, there's brown rice clinging to his hair and his face, and the waiter is standing there with such an obviously fake look of distress and apology, that Remus can't help it and he bursts out laughing. Caradoc glares at him, but Remus is crying with laughter at this point, and without another word, the other man peels the fish off his shirt (an action that sets Remus off into even more _aggressive_ laughter), and storms out of the building. Moments later, the waiter is sitting in the chair opposite Remus and they are crying and snorting and in total hysterics over the event.

"Sorry to drive your date out," the waiter says after the two have _finally_ calmed down.  
"He was a bit condescending anyway, it's no problem. Really."  
"A bit condescending? More like, pompous arsehole."  
"That's mean," Remus replies, but he knows that the waiter is right.  
"It's true."

He holds out his hand toward Remus and grins. "Sirius Black, Purveyor of Aids to Terrible-Date Ruiner Devices."

Remus laughs.

"Remus Lupin, bookstore worker. And, er.." he frowns. "I can't really afford to pay for this."  
"Oh, it's no problem," Sirius waves him off. "Our manager is actually really cool, especially about bad dates and shit like that. Speaking of which, I've gotta get back to work, but er... I'll be off in like a half hour, actually... What, um, what are you doing tonight?"

* * *

Sirius rounds the corner into the kitchen, where Lily, James, and Peter are crowded around the drink station.

"Well?!" Lily squeals, grinning wildly.  
"I got his number," Sirius waves the paper in the air with a grin.  
"Sirius Black, Stealing Dates from Assholes since whenever-the-fuck you were born," James says with an eye roll.


End file.
